Algorithms Are a Boy’s Worst Friend
Social media and gaming sites are the wrong place to learn what it means to be a man
Across social media feeds, gaming servers, and YouTube channels, a new generation of boys is being taught what it means to be a man — not by parents, teachers, or coaches, but by algorithms and influencers. A recent Common Sense Media survey of over 1,000 adolescent boys (age 11 to 17) found troubling signs of what social media and gaming content means for “digital masculinity.”
The new research looks closely at adolescent engagement on these platforms and the content they find there. The newsfeeds of boys and young men are full of posts and activity urging them to be more masculine, shun weakness, and embrace gender stereotypes.
For many, what they see is taking a toll on their mental health. Nearly three-quarters of adolescent boys regularly encounter digital masculinity content, from the importance of image and appearance to weapons and fighting. Our survey found that the greater the exposure, the more likely boys were to suppress their emotions or avoid displays of vulnerability. Boys with heavy exposure to digital masculinity were nearly three times more likely to report lower self-esteem than those with little exposure.
The study identified 12 types of content that comprise digital masculinity and found that content creators and influencers are increasingly important sources of guidance and emotional support in boys’ lives. Over half of the boys in the study report receiving practical help from content creators and influencers and 60% found them “inspirational.”
Boys who encounter more of these digital masculinity posts are lonelier and less open about their feelings. The survey’s results show that boys often feel comfortable caring for others, but feel less comfortable asking for care for themselves from others. Boys who gravitate to digital masculine content resist expressing their own struggles but remain capable of empathy and support for others: 62% of respondents believed it was important to be friendly (even to those who had been unfriendly to them), 55% of respondents reported putting others’ needs before their own, and 51% of respondents reported caring about others’ feelings more than their own.
Algorithms are a boy’s worst friend. More than two-thirds of the boys who see masculinity content online say that one day it just started showing up in their feed without them searching for it, while one in four say that they first saw these kinds of posts when a friend shared it with them.
Among the most worrying facets of the study: 69% also reported that they regularly encounter masculinity content that promotes “problematic” gender stereotypes. These posts contend that boys and men are treated unfairly compared to women, girls and women need to focus on home and family not career, girls use their looks to get what they want, and women are only attracted to tall, wealthy, and attractive men.
An earlier analysis found that the popularity of extreme language in the online “manosphere” not only normalizes violence against women and girls, but can have links to radicalization and extremist ideologies. The same study found that online misogyny is making its way into the real world, from schools to offices to intimate relationships. These trends aren’t just personal—they’re political. A generation raised on feeds that reward aggression and disdain for vulnerability will grow into adults less willing to compromise, empathize, or trust. In that sense, the algorithms shaping digital masculinity today could further coarsen our democracy tomorrow.
The emotional well-being, self-esteem, and real-world relationships of young men demand immediate action. We at Common Sense Media advocate for a range of healthy ways to support developing boys: parental conversations about who our boys are, the pressures they face, and how best to support them, as well as spotting important warning signs and seeking out help when it’s needed.
Because the data shows boys become less likely to turn to parents for support as they are exposed to more digital masculinity content, we also need social and community-driven strategies to improve the well being of adolescent boys. That means strengthening real-world connections, making sure boys are finding supportive communities online, and connecting digital interests to real-world activities. Real-world connections and friendships can help improve self-esteem, reduce loneliness, and create more resilient attitudes toward content that boys may be seeing online.
Even if we can’t control everything our boys see online, we can demand accountability from the platforms that profit from their attention. It’s time to treat algorithm design as a form of child development policy — because in practice, that’s exactly what it is. We can insist that algorithms reflect our values, not undermine them. Because if we fail to act, the next generation of young men will not only inherit a distorted idea of masculinity, but be cheated of the youth they deserve.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope to see lesson content at Common Sense Media to battle this in the near future.
Thank you for writing about this report, Jim and Reed. I was so glad to be an advisor on this report, and thrilled that it is helping focus attention on the needs of teen boys.